Sunday in Sweden is like limbo. You are just waiting for something to begin. Had a really good weekend thouhg, yesterday morning I couldn't even raise my hand and grab my phone which was lying just in 15 cm from me - I got drunk so terribly, in the best St-Pete's tradition. So yesterday I decided not to drink more than a glass of something just to fix my head and to find this balance between sunny surroundings and pressure in your head. And it was so cool! Decided that I won't drink like hell again, I just don't need it. Very funny to look at drunk Swedish guys though.

By the way I really changed my mind about everything connected with alcohol and drugs - no, sometimes it might be really cool and, like, the best thing, but... I've read this book. Patti Smith's "Just kids". I was really shocked when realised that her first drug experience with Robert happened only after 3 or 4 years of their life together. I can't explain why exactly I was so schocked, but yeah. Maybe it's because I'm not interested in these trips to your ahaha darker sides or something.


Actually I hate all this blog bullshit (which is obviously the best thing to write in your blog) just because people get addicted to this. They start to feel obligated to report about every fuckin single "adventure" in their life. And I hate it - so fuck knows how often I'm going to update mine.. Just because I don't wanna be judged by this.

Anyway the most personal and important things are always left somewhere else. Or just hidden - and this is so right. So I spent almost two weeks in Berlin and London, where I met completely another person in myself, got stoned and found sitting in Kreuzberg with a head full of black ghosts who were trying to carry me to the ground, in London i thought that I met a love of my life (fucking coincidences!!!) and all that I can do is just sit and smile... but I have to write instead!!

Hhahah decided to delete my previous post, it seemed to be kind of traaagic, which is obviously not true.

Well, I'm alright with what I'm doing sometimes.

I've been thinking a lot about this balance between out of control person as a part of your ego, and another one, who just keeps sort of analyzing it. I can't call it rational (sorry, I'm just a bit obsessed with this theories, which I'm forced to study as part of my IR programm and which I find a bit boring, but have nothing left to do except trying to reflect it on the real life. We have to gain something anyway, yeah?). There's just no challange and result. We stay what we are, even if it seemes to be a complete cnahge. You think that you'll never-ever find yourself on the bridge in the middle of the night, drunk and uncertain - but another day you're trying to steal a car (without having a driver license or any practical knowledge how to drive it). It's obviosly such a stupid risk, but it's so cool. I mean these little proofs of your everlasting youth.

Today I had the last class before my trips to Berlin and London, I am supposed to have some kind of a break, but there's so much study shit left (I'm extremely bad at meeting any deadlines). Also have to think about my upcoming interview with Comanechi band and a fabuluous girl Akiko Matsuura. She's not a drummer there any more, what I've learned just recently, but it would be even cooler to interview the band after some changes.

Copenhagen tomorrow for the whole day, have to get some rest after quite stressful beginning of the week. I just went NUTS yesterday haha